Hearing the names Jerry Sandusky and Larry Nassar conjure up feelings of shock and utter disgust. How could this have happened? How could no one know? Were there any signs? The answers to these questions are hard to swallow. It happens more often than you think. People knew about it. There were red flags - lots of red flags.

Pedophilia is a mental illness. Legally, the definition is “an obsession with children as sex objects.” A person who acts upon this obsession is guilty of a crime.

Here are the cold hard facts. Pedophiles are going to try and get access to your kids any way they can. The easiest avenue for them to do this is by acquiring a job or volunteering in a school, athletic association or church. Sure, people in these professions have to undergo background checks - but background checks come up clean if the perpetrator has not yet been caught. Not getting caught is their specialty.

After reviewing hundreds of criminal and civil cases involving inappropriate relationships and sexual abuse between students and  teachers, coaches, maintenance staff, bus drivers, etc., I’ve compiled a list of red flags that come up in every case.

Every. Single. Case.

There is always a pattern. All the pieces of the puzzle are there - it just takes a group of people, sharing and listening to information, to put them together. Unfortunately, these pieces are most often put together after the fact, when the crime has already been committed.

These are red flags that your child is being groomed by a pedophile.

• Texts and Calls - The perpetrator is always in direct contact with the child through texting, email and/or their social media accounts. There is ZERO reason for a teacher or coach to be texting your child via their personal accounts. There are all sorts of team apps and school email accounts that they can and should be using. If your child is receiving texts from a personal phone number or emails from a personal account of an adult, they are most likely violating a school/athletic association policy. In addition, a child should never be connected with a teacher or coach via social media if they are under the age of 18.
• Extra Help - The perpetrator offers them one-on-one tutoring, music lessons, sports training, etc. They most often present this as being focused on helping your child get into college or get better grades. This can also present itself when an athlete, scholar or musician is very driven and is willing to put in extra work to take their talent to the next level.
• Outside social events - The perpetrator takes your child (alone or often times with a small group) to the movies or out for dinner. Or they drive them to or from the Friday night football game or other child-centered social event. You should be very leery of an adult who is spending so much time with children. And you may think - well, there were two other kids with them so it’s no big deal. That is part of the game. Part of their cover. Makes it seem innocent. It’s not.
• Hardship - The perpetrator often choose kids with some type of perceived hardship - maybe the parents work many hours and are not often home, the parents are divorced, someone in the family is ill, the child has few friends, etc. 
• Befriends parents and/or siblings - The perpetrator always try to gain the trust of the child’s parents and/or siblings. They befriend the parents so the parents feel comfortable with their child spending time with them. The perpetrator then uses this against the child, telling them that their parents would never believe them if they told.
• Carpooling - The perpetrator offers to routinely pick the child up or drive them home from practice or school. They justify this by saying they are driving right by and don’t mind helping out the parents.
• Overly affectionate with kids - Pedophiles are often overly affectionate with kids. At no time should a child be sitting on a teacher or coach’s lap. They shouldn’t be engaging in long private conversations. They shouldn’t have “private jokes.” Many times it’s reported that a child appeared to be the pedophile’s “favorite.”
• Rumors - In almost all the cases, people used statements like “I thought something was off.” “He was creepy.” “She was weird.” “You know, I did think they were spending too much time together.” “I did see that child in their classroom a lot.”
• Gifts - Unless it’s a gift given to every child in the class, there is no reason to receive birthday cards, gifts, books, etc. from a teacher.

Recommendations

Teach children to trust their instincts - if a kid thinks an adult is “creepy” or “weird” don’t invalidate that! Do all your child’s friends think a specific teacher or coach is creepy and your child does not? Red flag.

Check their phones, email and social media accounts - who are their friends? Do they have a girlfriend or boyfriend that you can actually track down? Many times kids have these adults saved in their phones under a fake name.

Obviously, some of the above things occur on their own and they are perfectly acceptable. My kids have gotten a ride with a coach on occasion, they’ve gotten extra help from a teacher on occasion. It’s the combination of the above routinely happening that you need to look out for. Trust your gut - if you are uncomfortable with something, report it.